3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize