OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
