the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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