You're so nebulous sometimes
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
