There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
