Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
