I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
