My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
