I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
He passed out mid-signature
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Randomize
