I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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