then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
