I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
