I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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