Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
