how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Randomize
