all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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