Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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