Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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