It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Randomize
