3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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