Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
