There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
