He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
