look no pants
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize