I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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