The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Randomize