Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
