my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
be right there i have to get my cape
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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