Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
