You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
