I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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