Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
