im holly from the hills drunk
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize