Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
40s are totally the cure
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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