SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
