it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize