She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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