i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
