my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
