laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
