I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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