Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
