I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
