is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
