I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
