...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
