girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
40s are totally the cure
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
