i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
