you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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