She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
