Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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