My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
why do cheetos always look like penises
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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