So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
