dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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