True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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