I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
