My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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