I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
