he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
