I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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