I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
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