so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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