Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
