I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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