Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
